it's needs to be plotted more effectively
I have just watched this and I couldn't really tell what was going on. For one the audio was completely static and i couldn't really tell if you were talking or what? It would be better to plan out your time line a little better. Which I mean by talking clearly while going through the frames at a normal and extended pace. Such as at least two/five seconds per camera view while your voice acting is progressing through the story line, explaining what is unfolding. Also increase the storyline so it does not end so quickly and you have a chance to explain what is happening. I give this a four for for the original idea but it seemed you rushed it.